Porn is everywhere – and its super easy to find yourself watching tons more of it than you want to. If porn’s taking up heaps of your headspace and you want to cut down but can’t – you’re in the right place. It’s awesome you’re thinking about things and that you’re keen to change it up 👍 Kia Kaha.
TIPS & TOOLS
Self Help Tabs Tool
Here’s some questions and our self help tool to get you going…
KNOW THE SIGNS
If you’re worried about your porn habits – try asking yourself…
- How long can I go without porn?
- How would I feel if I can’t access porn anymore?
- When I’m not watching porn, am I thinking about it a lot?
- Can I masturbate without porn?
T – Talk
Feeling ashamed, guilty or bad about yourself when you’re struggling with porn is really normal. It can be worse if you think your whānau would be upset, or if porn is a no-go in your culture, community or faith.
These are crappy feelings to live with – so talking with a mate or adult you trust can really help. It feels risky, but it’s so worth it. If you want to talk to an adult, but think they’ll freak out, CLICK HERE or contact the pros at Safe to Talk.
A – Access
It sounds simple but ditching your phone or laptop at night and leaving it out of your room can help heaps with keeping your usage down. You could also get a filter on your device here that’ll make it harder to get onto porn sites.
It’s like putting a fence up. Sure, you can get past it, but it’ll make you stop and think.
B - Brain
Lots of things can ‘trigger’ your habits. Think about why, when, and how you use porn. Does it help you cope with stress? Boredom? Or do you watch it when you’re scrolling Insta just before bed?
Make a mental note of why and when you’re watching and then try and change it up. Go for a run, grab some food, do 20 push-ups, read a book, or even just call a mate instead and see what happens.
S - Success
Changing your porn habit is a process. It’d be nice if you could wake up and never think about porn again, but that isn’t success.
Success is about taking one step at a time – like choosing to go for a run or call a mate when you feel stressed and want to jump into some porn. It’s about putting one foot in front of the other, taking it day by day, and being brave.
There are some other tools to help you HERE to change things up for the best. Kia Kaha, you’ve got this.
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self-help online tools
Here’s some great online tools that can help while you work this one out…
Problematic Porn Consumption Scale (PPCS)
PPCS is a quick self-check quiz you can do online, to check out how much porn may be affecting your relationships or day-to-day life. It’s not a strict rule but can be a useful tool.
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WANT TO WATCH LESS PORN BUT
FIND IT HARD TO CUT DOWN?
WANT TO WATCH LESS PORN BUT FIND IT HARD TO CUT DOWN?
Lamar Odom Shares His Porn Story
Why I stopped watching porn
This simple animated video shows how we can get stuck chasing certain feelings and end up feeling out of control.
Sex, Softcore & Hardcore Porn
Professional Athlete Lamar Odom, Russell Brand, and Ran Gavrieli talk porn, their sex lives, and how it didn’t work out for them. Also a lol watching how a chicken nugget (aka us) can get into porn habits.
Is it just me?
No 😊 – In a recent NZ study, 42% of young people who regularly watch porn wanted to watch less but found it hard not to(27). A Swedish study with young people showed similar results(28). Habits are super easy to fall into and harder to get out of – check out this video that shows how easily habits can start.
So, if you’re feeling like you want to cut down on porn, but can’t, you’re not alone! Here’s the d-low on why this might be happening…
When we’re watching porn and being turned on, it feels good (duh) so it’s normal to want to go back for more, especially when we feel low.
The more we use porn to destress, it tells our bodies that porn can help us, and we can end up creating a pattern where using porn becomes a regular comfort or way to de-stress. So, it makes sense if you find yourself struggling to stop watching porn 😕 – it can happen without even realising.
Changing up porn habits is a process. Success is about taking one step at a time – like choosing to go for a run or call a mate when you feel stressed and want to jump into some porn.
It’s about putting one foot in front of the other, taking it day by day, and being brave.
“It’s hard to admit you have a porn problem or to even say that it’s involved in your life… Admitting is the first step, so I think finding a way to be able to talk about it normally or subtly is a goal worth achieving.”
Anon youth, TLP Survey 2020
Porn,your brain and your sex life
It’s not new that sex and watching porn can cause our brains to fire out hormones causing a ‘rush’. For some young people, they want to keep going back for the ‘rush’ – but can then struggle to stop. For others, with time, the rush can take longer and longer to happen, so they start needing more extreme types of porn to get turned on.
This can also impact real life sex, because some young people’s brains are so used to being turned on with porn, it can become harder (lol) to get turned on in real-life sex.
The flow – what’s happening?
Scientists talk about ‘flow’ – when you’re so into what you’re doing, you lose track of time and nothing else matters… like when you game or surf and just wanna go on forever. This can happen while watching porn – especially when the flow ends in a great rush.
If we’re in the flow our brains are in the perfect zone for learning and developing new habits. This makes it super easy for us to develop patterns around our porn usage or sexual desires and expectations, without even realising it.
Culture, faith and shame
People from cultures or faiths where porn is a no-no can often experience more shame and guilt about their porn use than other young people, regardless of how much porn they watch.
They are also less likely to talk or reach out to people for help because of the shame surrounding porn. If this is you, it’s hard to go it alone – so find someone safe who can support you – like an older sibling, cousin or school counsellor.
Safe to Talk
If you’ve been affected by sexual harm or are worried about your own behaviour, Safe to Talk provide great 24/7 confidential non-judgmental support and advice with trained counsellors.
Suicide crisis helpline
Free 24/7 suicide crisis helpline with a specialist. If you need urgent help ring 111 and tell them your life is in danger.
Freephone: 0508 TAUTOKO
It’s totally okay to struggle – it’s not okay to struggle alone