Sex is not just about one person having a good time. Great sex is when both people are having a good time – so make sure it’s gonna be great for you both before you say yes.

Some of the sex in porn isn’t always safe – the actors don’t often wear condoms, some of the sexual acts cause them pain, and they do some stuff like choking that can be dangerous.

If it doesn’t seem safe to you – then call the shots and give it a miss.

If someone asks you to try something and then respects ‘no’ for an answer – that’s cool. But if there’s pressure or they don’t listen to you – that’s not okay.

Every sexual experience needs to have enthusiastic consent. That’s not an “um ok”, but more like an enthusiastic “hell yeah” kinda yes. Watch here

Sometimes the lines between pressure and playful can be messy. Lines like “If you really liked me, you’d try this” or “I know you’ll be into this once you try it” might sound playful, but they are actually straight up pressure.

And ANY kind of sexual pressure is not okay.

Saying no is so okay. Even if you’re super into someone.

You can also say no without sounding savage. Try “I really like you – but nah, I’m not into that”.

Sometimes a quiet ‘no’ might not do the job.

People are more likely to take a ‘no’ seriously if we sit up or stand, use eye contact and use a firm voice.

If your date or partner respects you, they won’t be pushy or pull lines like “C’mon, everyone does this”.

HERE’S a quiz from ARE YOU OK? to help you find out what makes a healthy relationship.

If you’re feeling pressure, it helps to have a safe mate or an adult to talk to.

Reach out to a friend, or if you want to talk anonymously try the pros HERE.

If you’ve had a sexual experience you didn’t want or were forced into a sexual act – that’s called sexual harm.

If that’s you, it’s important you’re not dealing with that alone – so try talking to a trusted friend or adult. If you need medical support, want to report it, or just need anonymous support – text the counsellors at 4334 Safe to Talk, they are there for you.

Saying no is so okay. It sounds simple, but a simple “Nah – not for me” can work.

If you’re with the person/people and keep being hassled, think of a way to gap the situation.

If a partner you really like is pressuring you, that’s still not okay. Try being honest: “I’ve said no, I don’t like that you keep asking”. Watching porn is a sexual activity that shouldn’t involve pressure of any kind.

Healthy relationships should be super supportive – so if someone keeps trying to convince you to watch porn, that’s a red flag.

Not doing what your mates are doing can make things real tense, real fast. Humour can be useful in some cases if you want to avoid being blunt, but still make your feelings clear. “No judgement here…but I’m more into watching cats on YouTube.”

If it’s an adult pressuring you and you are under age 18, that’s illegal and not okay.

Tell a trusted adult – a school nurse, a school counsellor, whānau, or text 4334 “I’m (insert age) and an adult has been showing me porn – what should I do?”

Talk to someone and get help. Friends and helplines HERE are there to lean on if you are feeling out of your depth.