You might be the first in your whānau to be brave enough to talk about porn. Don’t let this put you off – make sure you have some support if you need it (sister, cousin, friend, aunty) and remember this is an important korereo for New Zealand rangatahi.

Starting the convo can help you and your whānau keep safer and more supported online.

First up, decide who you feel safest to talk to. It can feel super weird talking about this stuff with a parent or wider whānau – but they often care about what’s going on and are up for a convo.

It’s important to start with a safe person though – so if this isn’t your parents, try a wider whānau member like a cousin, aunty or older sibling.

If this doesn’t feel safe for you, try someone more removed like a school counsellor, coach or teacher that you 100% trust.

If you’re from a faith or culture where porn is a big no-no, talking about it with your folks can be tricky.

Try talking with someone you trust in your wider whānau or faith community first like a cousin or youth group leader. They can support you and together you can decide whether talking to your parents is a good idea.

Don’t just drop the convo on them like a bomb. Some pre-warning before deep diving into a ‘porn’ convo will really help.

Try preparing them in advance (face to face or in a text)… “Hey, this is awkward, but I want to talk with you about porn and some other stuff. It’s real hard to talk about, and I need you to listen and not judge…?”

Heaps of adults aren’t schooled up on 2020 porn – and to be honest, they’re less likely to flip out if they know what it’s like for young people online. So, the more prepared they are, the better the convo will go.

Ask them to do their homework in advance…. “Hey – I’d love it if you could check out some NZ resources for parents before we talk as I think it will really help..……”

Click HERE for the resources.

Choose somewhere you feel safe or isn’t awkward – if that’s possible 😊. For example, in the car when you’re not looking at each other, walking the dog, or over dinner at your Grandma’s (jokes).

Don’t rush and allow a good 15 mins.

Be straight up. Sugar coating what’s going on can make it worse if you end up not telling the full truth.

It can also help to say it all at once, e.g. “Someone asked me to send them a naked photo, I felt pressured, but I wanted to fit in. They’ve shared it around the school and I don’t know what to do.” Phew.

Newsflash, adults aren’t perfect…they might freak out at first (hopefully not!), especially if it’s the first time they’ve talked about porn. That’s okay. So, be chill about their first response – go easy on them.

If emotions are high, reschedule for another time.

If you’re worried your parents will be angry or upset, talk about ‘a friend’: “One of my friends is struggling with porn, do you think they should tell their parents?”

Or if they do have a bit of a meltdown, let them know you wanted to be honest. “I’m sorry you’re angry. I didn’t have to tell you – but I thought you would want me to be honest.”LGBTIQ+ peeps

Sometimes when you are working out your sexual or gender identity talking to your parents might feel unsafe.

If you’re not ready for this yet, try talking with a trusted adult or the pros HERE

The biggest priority is you. If you think this convo may lead to anger or even violence, talk with another adult first.

If you do think it’s safe, ask someone to be there with you if you talk to your parents.