If your partner is watching porn and you’re not comfortable with it – it’s okay to feel confused, sad or even betrayed. You might wonder if your partner prefers porn to real-life sex or compares you to what they see in porn.

For any relationship to work it’s important you’re all good with each other’s porn use – so start by talking about it.

Rather than diving in with an ultimatum, start with some open questions to work out where you are both at, what you both want and how/if you can make things work. Try these:

“Give it 48” – when you find out something upsetting wait 48hrs before you bring it up with them.

Your convo is going to be way better with a little more time to breathe!

If you’re made to feel bad, boring or lame for not being into porn or not wanting it in your relationship, that’s not okay.

So make sure you get some support from a trusted friend or adult. If you don’t want to stay in a relationship, that’s OK too!

Here’s some info on healthy relationships from youthline that might help while you’re working it out.

If you’re worried about your partner’s porn use – check out THIS PAGE for some great tips on how to understand and help someone who might be struggling with porn.

If you feel pressure from your partner to watch or re-enact porn – click HERE. 

If it feels like your sex life is taking a bit of a dive, here’s a checklist that might come in handy.

The experts say that watching lots of porn can change what we expect from sex. Like, 4-hour long sex and wild acrobatic positions 😊. It can also sometimes make real live sex feel like a bit of a fail.

If this is you, focus on the stuff that makes real life sex good – talk about what you both want, check in after sex about what they/you liked, or give porn a break for a while to get a re-set on your expectations.

Porn peeps are paid to look like they’re super into everything, so it’s easy to think your partner might be too. If you tried something your partner/date wasn’t keen on, don’t freak out. Just say sorry – it goes a long way.

Next time you want to try something new, ask your partner if it’s okay. If their answer is anything other than a straight up yes, then it’s best to leave it.

Wanna know more about what makes great sex? Click here.

Watching heaps of porn can sometimes affect real live sex. You could try cutting down for a while and see if you can get turned on without it.

When you’re with a partner, focus on what’s in front of you (what you see, touch, hear, smell), rather than what’s in your head.

If this is super hard and you’re really struggling to get things going without porn, check out this app.

If you’re not keen for real-life sex anymore and only want to watch porn instead, that might mean porn has become a problem for you.

Some people prefer porn because of fears around performance or body image, or because it feels much easier than sex with a real-life partner/hook-up.

But the experts tell us if we want to have a great long-term sex life, watching tons of porn might not be the best way to get there! Text the pros at Safe to talk 4334 anonymously with any questions.

It’s normal in relationships to have different views on porn and what is/isn’t okay. If your partner isn’t into what, when or how much porn you watch, it’s good to talk about this with them.

Check in on their thoughts and feelings, share yours too – and see if you can work something out or find a middle ground.

If you can’t agree, that’s okay too.

People in porn are performers. It’s their job. They have lunch breaks, they stop to change scenes and angles; heck, they even have bathroom breaks and get more lube – they’re professionals.

Comparing yourself to porn actors is brutal – they say themselves that porn is definitely not like real sex.

Great sex takes a while to learn, so if it doesn’t go well, that’s cool, it usually gets better with time – but don’t compare yourself to the porn performers.