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School up on

nudes

Hi there! if you want some help around nudes, you’re in the right place!
Sending nudes can feel like part of a ‘normal relationship’ – but things can get tricky quickly.
If you’re figuring out whether to send a nude, received one you didn’t want, or had one shared without consent, here’s some tips to help you out…

Tips & Tools

Looking for quick tips? Here’s what you need.
What is a Nude?
A photo of a person showing part or all of their nude body.
Can I send someone my own nude without asking them first?
  • It’s best not to ​— always check before you hit send, because…
  • If you’re over 16yrs and send a surprise nude to someone under 16yrs — you can get yourself in a bit of a legal jam because this is illegal under the New Zealand law.
  • If you send nudes to someone who doesn’t want them — this could be counted as ‘harassment’ under The Harmful Digital Communications Act.
  • If you’ve already sent a nude to someone without asking them and are freaking out — talk to Netsafe, they’re the pros and can offer free confidential advice.
Interesting Fact: A NZ Netsafe study showed that females were more likely to report unwanted digital communication than males – and non-heterosexual young adults were more likely to be targeted.
Can I share someone else’s nudes/videos?

If you want to share or trade someone else’s nudes, here’s some things to consider before you hit SEND

  •  Consent  – First be 100% sure the person is all good with it (i.e. given their full consent).
  •  Once you’ve hit SEND, you can’t unsend  – If the person in the pic hasn’t consented, it can be super damaging for them. And you. Word can get out, people can be hurt, a lot of damage can be done, and people can talk smack . They can also contact whoever they want – your family, your teachers or the police to try and get it removed.
  •  Regret  – Even if the person consents at the time, they also might regret it later. Nudes are super personal and its really common for people to change their mind or regret sending nudes. So, if you want to play it safe, don’t share.
  • Age Alert  – Sharing nudes with anyone under 16; if you’re 16 or over; or if the person in the pic is under 16 is illegal under the harmful digital communications act. If you’ve already shared a nude, contact Netsafe for help.

“I think that there is a high pressure to post revealing pictures – just to fit in or to show our bodies in order to get likes or get friends or boyfriends”
Anon youth, TLP Survey 2020

What if I’ve already shared someone’s nude without their consent?

Here’s some steps you can take:

  • Delete the nude ASAP.
  • Contact the people/platforms you’ve shared it with and ask them to delete it.
  • Contact Netsafe if you can’t take it down yourself.
  • Talk to a trusted friend or adult.
Can I get my nude removed from a site?
If your nude is somewhere you don’t want
— there’s some great help out there:

Here’s some links to reporting sections:

Screenshot where you’ve seen your image and save the URLs.

Here’s some links to reporting sections:

How do I safely send a nude/video?
If you’re sure you want to send a nude, you’ve considered the points in thinking about sending nudes tip and you trust the person you’re sending it to (now and later), there’s a few things you can do to lower the risk…
  • Keep your face out of the pic. This way, if it ends up being shared, other people may not know it’s you.
  • Make sure there’s nothing in the image that identifies you like your room, your house, your clothing or a mirror in the background (duh).
  • Tell the person you send it to that you don’t want (consent to) it being shared with anyone or posted anywhere. This might still happen, but it’s good to be clear.

More questions about Nudes? Check out: Icon or Netsafe

 What’s “revenge porn”? 

“Revenge porn” is a term used when someone shares a nude or video without the person’s consent or is using it against them, to control them, to bully them, as blackmail or as a threat. People with a physical disability and LGBTIQ+ young people are more likely to experience revenge porn, which is not okay(8).

If this sounds like what you’re experiencing, talk to a trusted friend and call the Pros at Netsafe for support and to talk though options. For LGBTIQ+ friendly services reach out to Rainbow YOUTH and OUTline.

“If nude images do get leaked, who can we go to? Parents are often very disappointed – even though it was most likely pressured.” — NZ young person

“If nude images do get leaked, who can we go to? Parents are often very disappointed – even though it was most likely pressured.” —Anon youth, TLP Survey 2020

Tips & tools

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Thinking about sending a nude?

Here’s five quick things to ask yourself before you hit SEND…

Feeling pressure to send nudes?

If you’ve been asked to share a nude by someone, but don’t want to, here’s some tips...

Received a nude you didn’t want?

Receiving a random nude might seem funny for some people, but for others it can feel really crap...

Regret sending a nude?

Some people send nudes and it’s all good times for them – but that’s not the case for everyone.If you’ve got regrets, here’s some tips to help…

Had a nude shared without your consent?

Having a nude shared without your consent can be devastating, so here’s some tips to help out…

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Thinking about sending a nude?

Here’s five quick things to ask yourself before you hit SEND…
Are you OK if it’s out there forever?

Even if you’re pretty confident your nudes won’t be shared, once a nude’s sent, it never really disappears.

Even on Snapchat where photos disappear, someone can screenshot or take a shot of it on someone else’s phone.

Do you trust the person it’s going to?

Is the person wanting your nudes trustworthy? Do they have your back? If you’re in a relationship, are you okay with them having your pics/vids if you break up?

These may seem like no-brainers, but it’s not how you feel when you push send – it’s what happens afterwards.

Bottom line: If you’re not 100% sure that you can trust them, don’t hit send.

How do you feel about other people seeing the nudes?

If the idea of someone else mysteriously getting your nudes keeps you up at night, abort mission, do not send.

We’ve all heard about pics ending up across school or on a random site – and it’s not a joke. This can occur by thoughtless sharing – or it can be targeted.

Either way, the impacts can be rough.

Are you being pressured?

If someone’s hassling you to send a pic or video, that’s straight up ‘sexual pressure’.

Sending nudes is a sexual activity that should never involve pressure – so if someone’s trying to convince you, that’s a red flag.

LGBTIQ+ peeps

If you are sharing a pic or vid that discloses your sexuality or gender before you have come out to others – it might pay to take 5 and have a ponder.

That’s your story to share and it can be rough if someone shares it without your permission.

Problematic Porn Consumption Scale (PPCS)

PPCS is a quick self-check quiz you can do online, to check out how much porn may be affecting your relationships or day-to-day life. It’s not a strict rule but can be a useful tool.

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Feeling pressure to send nudes?

If you’ve been asked to share a nude by someone, but don’t want to, here’s some tips...
See it for what it is

If someone is trying to pressure you to send nudes, ummm red flag. Lines like ‘‘You’d send one if you really liked me” or “We aren’t having sex, so why can’t we just send some?” are not cool.

Sending nudes is a type of sexual activity that should never, ever be pressured. Even if you’re super into each other.

How about no

First up, you’re 100% allowed to say ‘no’. Whether you’re in a relationship or not, sending nudes is not a give-in. So if you’re not into it, make it a clear no: “Sorry but no”, “Nah”, “How about No”, or just plain “No”.

Consent

No one should get your nudes without your ‘100% hell yeah’ kinda consent! When there’s any kind of force, pressure, or coercion, note to self: this does not equal consent.

Ignore

If you don’t even want to reply to a request for nudes, you don’t have to. #seen.

Be straight up

You may feel bad for turning someone down, especially if you really like the person. You don’t have to be savage while saying no (sometimes it helps though 😊).

Try being honest and letting them know how you feel – they might respect you for it in the long run. “Hey, I think you’re really cool, but no, I’m not comfortable with that.”

Use humour

It can be a bit intimidating saying a straight up no, especially if your super into someone.

So, if humour feels right for you, check out these funny GIFS to help you say you’re not into it: ZIPIT and gifs HERE.

Rally some support

Having a second pair of ears and a shoulder to lean on is super helpful, especially when someone’s pressuring you.

Talk to a trusted mate or adult if you’re needing some support. The counsellors at 1737 are great for support too.

Legal downlow

If you say no and someone won’t listen, you can just block them. If they keep pushing or even start threatening or blackmailing you, that’s sexual harassment.

It sounds intense, but you can also report them by ringing the police (111). It’s easy to downplay things, but it can get out of hand pretty quick. It’s important that you put your safety first.

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Received a nude you didn’t want?

Receiving a random nude might seem funny for some people, but for others it can feel really crap...
Be kind to yourself

It’s okay for you to feel heaps of different things when you get an unwanted nude – embarrassed, curious, shameful, guilty, disgusted or aroused.

Whatever you feel is okay.

Tell them to stop

Be straight up. Ask the person to stop sending nudes – send them a text saying ’I think you’re cool (or not), but I’m not a fan of getting {dick/tit/butt} pics from you…”

Feel crap? Yarn with a mate

Getting an unexpected nude can catch you off guard. It’s normal to feel a bit crap, especially if you didn’t ask for it.

Chat with a friend or even a trusted adult about it – they may be more understanding than you think.

If you’re feeling nervous, send a text: “Hey there, I just got a nude from someone that I didn’t ask for – and now I feel really weird about it – can we talk?”

Dealing with feelings

Some people can feel really uncomfortable after getting an unwanted nude – and that makes total sense. These are legit feelings and it’s important to listen to them.

Check out FEELING UNCOMFORTABLE for some simple tips and tricks to process these feelings.

Take action

If someone keeps sending you nudes without your consent, this can be harassment under the Harmful Digital Communications Act – so you can take more action.

  • Block the profile/account and phone number of the person who sent it
  • Chat with the Netsafe crew and report the profile/account of the person
  • Keep a record of the pics. While deleting them feels good, it’s useful to screenshot the pics to show the police or Netsafe.
Don’t share it

Note to self: don’t on-share the nude with anyone else without their consent (you probably wouldn’t, but just playing it safe!)

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Regret sending a nude?

Some people send nudes and it’s all good times for them – but that’s not the case for everyone.If you’ve got regrets, here’s some tips to help…
Stay calm

Regret can get intense. It’s super easy to spin out and jump to the worst-case scenario “Nooooooo…will I end up on Pornhub?” Don’t spiral – in most cases, this doesn’t happen.

So try and stay calm – there’s stuff you can do, and there are people who can help.  Keep reading these tips for help…

Be kind to yourself

If you’re feeling bad or regret it – don’t beat yourself up, when you send a nude you’re not usually thinking about further down the track.

Or even about the next day.

Take action

Hit up the person who you sent it to and ask them to delete it. If you can, watch them do it – and the sooner the better.

Or start with a text “I super regret sending that. Please delete it now and don’t share it.”

A problem shared is a problem halved

It sucks trying to deal with things alone. If you’re feeling low, reach out to some mates who care about you, or a whānau member or teacher you trust.

If you’re nervous, start with a text “Hey, can I talk to you about something? I sent a pic to someone and really regret it. I’m kind of freaking out.”

Talk to the experts

Netsafe are pros when it comes to all things online.

They give free and confidential advice and options about what to do, including how to possibly get any images removed.

Legal downlow

Simply put, it’s illegal for nudes to be passed around without your consent.

That’s stated in The Harmful Digital Communications Act – so if your pic is shared without your consent, the law’s got your back.

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Had a nude shared without your consent?

Having a nude shared without your consent can be devastating, so here’s some tips to help out…
Take a deep breath

It’s so normal to feel yuck and like your world is caving in if you’ve had a nude shared without consent. You might also feel betrayed – especially if the nude was first sent to someone you trusted.

So, take a breath and be kind to yourself – feeling scared or out of control is normal.  But there’s help!

First step: Un-tag

If possible, un-tag yourself from the photo.

Being threatened?

If the person you sent the nude to is using it against you as a form of control or blackmail, or as a threat if you decide to leave a relationship, that’s not okay! It can leave you feeling worried, anxious or depressed.

Talk to a trusted friend or call the Pros at Netsafe for support and to talk though options.

LGBTIQ+ peeps

There may be additional fear or worry if the person threatening you is also saying they are going to out you.

Call or webchat with the team at Rainbow YOUTH or OUTline for awesome LGBTIQ+ friendly support.

When to get the police involved

If you feel unsafe because someone is blackmailing, manipulating or threatening to share your nudes, that’s serious.

Contact Netsafe or the Police (111) for further help. Or if you want to anonymously report it to the police click here. 

A problem shared is a problem halved

This stuff can be niggly to navigate alone. Chat to someone you trust like a mate, whānau member or someone more removed, like a coach.

If you think they may freak out, start with a text: “Hey, I really need to chat, but I don’t want to be judged. I sent a nude to someone and now it’s been shared. I’m really freaking out.”

HERE are some more ideas about how to have this convo

Talk to the experts

Netsafe are pros when it comes to all things online. They give free and confidential advice and options about what to do, including how to possibly get any images removed.

Report it

Reporting the profile/account of the person who’s shared your content is important so that Facebook, Instagram, YouTube or Twitter etc can remove it.

To find out how to do that, click here… Facebook; YouTube; Twitter; Instagram

Keep track

Immediately deleting your pics seems like the quickest solution, but it can help to have a record of them.

Screenshot the pic/vid and make a record of the URL. Instructions on how to do this are here Netsafe.

Legal downlow

It’s illegal to share nude imagery of someone without their permission.

If a nude has been shared without your consent, the law is on your side. The person can be fined up to $50,000 or face a prison sentence of two years for breaking laws covered in the Harmful digital Communications Act. Ouch.