There’s a lot of rough sex in porn and wider media now, and since porn is basically used as sex-ed these days, it makes sense to be curious or want to give stuff you’ve seen a go!
The thing is, there’s a massive difference between rough sex in porn and real-life sex…..so if you want to learn more or try something out, here’s the lowdown first…
TIPS & TOOLS
Keen to try out rougher sex?
Since porn is basically used as sex-ed these days, it makes sense to want to give stuff you’ve seen a go. The thing is, there’s a massive difference between what porn actors do and real-life sex.
The rougher stuff in porn can actually be really painful – but actors are paid to look ‘into it’.
In real life, lots of people don’t enjoy rough sex – so if you’re wanting to try something, make sure you go through the checklist next.Up next: Quick Fire Top 10 ...
Quick Fire Top 10 Checklist
If you or your partner are keen to try some rough sex, here’s a ‘quick check list’ to go through first…Read moreUp next: Needing rougher porn...
Needing rougher porn or rougher sex to get turned on?
If you’re needing rougher or more extreme porn and/or sex to get turned on and it’s making you uncomfortable (or even if it’s not), you may want to get some support from the pros HERE.
That might feel awkward – but they’re here to help – and getting it off your chest and letting others help you can be life-changing.
If you want to keep it anonymous, there are also great help lines in Talk/Text.Up next: Partner/s not keen?...
Partner/s not into it?
If your sexual partner/s are continually not enjoying what you’re into; you find yourself in sexual situations where the other person isn’t into it; or you’re keen to play out some fantasies that have a higher risk of causing harm – you might need some help from the pros.Up next: Had a bad experience...
Had a bad rough sex experience?
Lots of people don’t like rough sex – and it’s totally okay to not like it, and to tell a partner you’re not into it.
For some people, rough sex can be very traumatic, especially if it was unexpected, frightening or when communication was unclear.
When sex acts are unwanted, you feel pressured, or you don’t consent; this is sexual assault. This can feel extra confusing if consent was blurred and/or you like the person – so it’s super important to reach out and get some help processing it.Up next: Got more questions?...
Got more questions about rough sex?
If you want more info on rough sex check out our LEARN section with the full lowdown including the deets on legal and sexual stuff.Up next: Keen to try?...
- Do we both fully 100% consent?
- Do we both have the same understandings and expectations of what rough sex is going to look like?
- Are we both fully into it?
- Are we both doing it freely and without any pressure?
- Have we consented to every act that might occur (not just a one-off general up front yes)?
- It’s a no brainer.. but is it safe?
- Are we both aware of any risks and harms? (harms are real with any sexually aggressive acts for BOTH partners)
- Have we agreed to take it slowly and then check in during and after sex to make sure it’s a good time for us both?
- Are we being caring and respectful? Rough sex is much safer in a relationship where there is good comms, care and respect!
Have we agreed how to withdraw consent (safe word or gesture) if one of us doesn’t like it, at any stage?
If it’s no to any of the above, it’s probably worth giving it a pass and exploring other stuff that you’re both into. Working out what you like and don’t like during sex is a journey – but the best sex is always when there’s the good stuff in place: consent, pleasure, trust etc 😊.
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“I feel like there’s this pressure for everyone now to be into rough stuff and choking, like that’s what everyone else wants – but actually a lot of people don’t like it.” NZ female, 17 yrs