There’s a lot of rough sex in porn and wider media now, and since porn is basically used as sex-ed these days, it makes sense to be curious or want to give stuff you’ve seen a go!
The thing is, there’s a massive difference between rough sex in porn and real-life sex…..so if you want to learn more or try something out, here’s the lowdown first…
#INFO
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- Do we both fully 100% consent?
- Do we both have the same understandings and expectations of what rough sex is going to look like?
- Are we both fully into it?
- Are we both doing it freely and without any pressure?
- Have we consented to every act that might occur (not just a one-off general up front yes)?
- It’s a no brainer.. but is it safe?
- Are we both aware of any risks and harms? (harms are real with any sexually aggressive acts for BOTH partners)
- Have we agreed to take it slowly and then check in during and after sex to make sure it’s a good time for us both?
- Are we being caring and respectful? Rough sex is much safer in a relationship where there is good comms, care and respect!
Have we agreed how to withdraw consent (safe word or gesture) if one of us doesn’t like it, at any stage?
If it’s no to any of the above, it’s probably worth giving it a pass and exploring other stuff that you’re both into. Working out what you like and don’t like during sex is a journey – but the best sex is always when there’s the good stuff in place: consent, pleasure, trust etc 😊.
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“I feel like there’s this pressure for everyone now to be into rough stuff and choking, like that’s what everyone else wants – but actually a lot of people don’t like it.” NZ female, 17 yrs