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schooling up on
nudes
‘Send Nudes’. Two words that have become one of the biggest memes around…
Sending a nude can be fun in the moment – but even if you’re sure it won’t end up on a shady internet site (which is a legit concern ), once a nude is shared, it never really disappears, and things can sometimes get tricky.

If you’ve got some questions about nudes, here’s some info and tips that might help…

TIPS & TOOLSseeing-porn-glasses

Thinking about sending a nude?

Here’s five quick things to ask yourself before you hit SEND…

Are you OK if it’s out there forever?

Even if you’re pretty confident your nudes won’t be shared, once a nude’s sent, it never really disappears.

Even on Snapchat where photos disappear, someone can screenshot or take a shot of it on someone else’s phone.

Do you trust the person it’s going to?

Is the person wanting your nudes trustworthy? Do they have your back? If you’re in a relationship, are you okay with them having your pics/vids if you break up? These may seem like no-brainers, but it’s not how you feel when you push send – it’s what happens afterwards.

Bottom line: If you’re not 100% sure that you can trust them, don’t hit send.

How do you feel about other people seeing the nudes?

If the idea of someone else mysteriously getting your nudes keeps you up at night, abort mission, do not send.

We’ve all heard about pics ending up across school or on a random site – and it’s not a joke. This can occur by thoughtless sharing – or it can be targeted.

Either way, the impacts can be rough.

Are you being pressured?

If someone’s hassling you to send a pic or video, that’s straight up ‘sexual pressure’.

Sending nudes is a sexual activity that should never involve pressure – so if someone’s trying to convince you, that’s a red flag.

LGBTIQ+ peeps:

If you are sharing a pic or vid that discloses your sexuality or gender before you have come out to others – it might pay to take 5 and have a ponder.

That’s your story to share and it can be rough if someone shares it without your permission.

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If the idea of someone else mysteriously getting your nudes keeps you up at night – abort mission, do not send.

Feeling pressure to send nudes?

If you’ve been asked to share a nude by someone, but don’t want to, here’s some tips and tricks…

See it for what it is

If someone is trying to pressure you to send nudes, ummm red flag. Lines like ‘‘You’d send one if you really liked me” or “We aren’t having sex, so why can’t we just send some?” are not cool.

Sending nudes is a type of sexual activity that should never, ever be pressured. Even if you’re super into each other.

How about no

First up, you’re 100% allowed to say ‘no’. Whether you’re in a relationship or not, sending nudes is not a give-in. So if you’re not into it, make it a clear no: “Sorry but no”, “Nah”, “How about No”, or just plain “No”.

Consent

No one should get your nudes without your ‘100% hell yeah’ kinda consent! When there’s any kind of force, pressure, or coercion, note to self: this does not equal consent.

Ignore

If you don’t even want to reply to a request for nudes, you don’t have to. #seen.

Be straight up

You may feel bad for turning someone down, especially if you really like the person. You don’t have to be savage while saying no (sometimes it helps though 😊).

Try being honest and letting them know how you feel – they might respect you for it in the long run. “Hey, I think you’re really cool, but no, I’m not comfortable with that.”

Use humour

It can be a bit intimidating saying a straight up no, especially if your super into someone.

So, if humour feels right for you, check out these funny GIFS to help you say you’re not into it: ZIPIT and gifs HERE.

Rally some support

Having a second pair of ears and a shoulder to lean on is super helpful, especially when someone’s pressuring you.

Talk to a trusted mate or adult if you’re needing some support. The counsellors at 1737 are great for support too.

Legal downlow

If you say no and someone won’t listen, you can just block them. If they keep pushing or even start threatening or blackmailing you, that’s sexual harassment.

It sounds intense, but you can also report them by ringing the police (111). It’s easy to downplay things, but it can get out of hand pretty quick. It’s important that you put your safety first.

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If someone is trying to pressure you to send nudes, ummm not cool. Sending nudes is a sexual activity that should never be pressured. Even if you’re super into each other.

Received a nude you didn’t want?

Receiving a random nude might seem funny for some people, but for others it can feel really crap. If that’s you, here’s some steps to help you out…

Be kind to yourself

It’s okay for you to feel heaps of different things when you get an unwanted nude – embarrassed, curious, shameful, guilty, disgusted or aroused.

Whatever you feel is okay.

Tell them to stop

Be straight up. Ask the person to stop sending nudes – send them a text saying ’I think you’re cool (or not), but I’m not a fan of getting {dick/tit/butt} pics from you…”

Feel crap? Yarn with a mate

Getting an unexpected nude can catch you off guard. It’s normal to feel a bit crap, especially if you didn’t ask for it.

Chat with a friend or even a trusted adult about it – they may be more understanding than you think.

If you’re feeling nervous, send a text: “Hey there, I just got a nude from someone that I didn’t ask for – and now I feel really weird about it – can we talk?”

Dealing with feelings

Some people can feel really uncomfortable after getting an unwanted nude – and that makes total sense. These are legit feelings and it’s important to listen to them.

Check out FEELING UNCOMFORTABLE for some simple tips and tricks to process these feelings.

Take action

If someone keeps sending you nudes without your consent, this can be harassment under the Harmful Digital Communications Act – so you can take more action.

  • Block the profile/account and phone number of the person who sent it
  • Chat with the Netsafe crew and report the profile/account of the person
  • Keep a record of the pics. While deleting them feels good, it’s useful to screenshot the pics to show the police or Netsafe.

Don’t share it

Note to self: don’t on-share the nude with anyone else without their consent (you probably wouldn’t, but just playing it safe!)

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Getting an unexpected nude can really catch you off guard! It’s normal to feel heaps of different things… ashamed, guilty, grossed out or even aroused – these are all legit feelings.

Regret sending a nude?

Some people send nudes and it’s all good times for them – but that’s not the case for everyone. If you’ve got regrets, here’s some tips to help…

Stay calm

Regret can get intense. It’s super easy to spin out and jump to the worst-case scenario “Nooooooo…will I end up on Pornhub?” Don’t spiral – in most cases, this doesn’t happen.

So try and stay calm – there’s stuff you can do, and there are people who can help.  Keep reading these tips for help…

Be kind to yourself

If you’re feeling bad or regret it – don’t beat yourself up, when you send a nude you’re not usually thinking about further down the track.

Or even about the next day.

Take Action

Hit up the person who you sent it to and ask them to delete it. If you can, watch them do it – and the sooner the better.

Or start with a text “I super regret sending that. Please delete it now and don’t share it.”

A problem shared is a problem halved

It sucks trying to deal with things alone. If you’re feeling low, reach out to some mates who care about you, or a whānau member or teacher you trust.

If you’re nervous, start with a text “Hey, can I talk to you about something? I sent a pic to someone and really regret it. I’m kind of freaking out.”

Talk to the experts

Netsafe are pros when it comes to all things online.

They give free and confidential advice and options about what to do, including how to possibly get any images removed.

Legal downlow

Simply put, it’s illegal for nudes to be passed around without your consent.

That’s stated in The Harmful Digital Communications Act – so if your pic is shared without your consent, the law’s got your back.

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Regret can get intense. It’s super easy to spin out – so try and stay calm 🧘 There’s stuff you can do, and there’s people who can help.

Change topics?

LEARN

What is a Nude?

A nude is the term used to describe a photo of a person showing part or all of their nude body. The term is also used alongside ‘sexting’ which is used to describe sending ‘nudes’, ‘underwear shots’ ‘dirty pics’ or sexual text messages or videos.

Can I send someone my own nude without asking them first?
  • If you’re thinking of sending a nude to someone – you need to check they want it before you hit send.
  • Once you send a nude, you’ve lost control of it – and it can be easily shared/posted and difficult to remove, so check out thinking about sending a nude
  • If you’re over 16yrs and send a surprise nude to someone under 16yrs – you can get yourself in a bit of a legal jam because this is illegal under the New Zealand law.
  • If you send nudes to someone who doesn’t want to receive them – this could be counted as ‘harassment’ under The Harmful Digital Communications Act.
  • If you’ve already sent a nude to someone without asking them and are freaking out – talk to Netsafe, they’re the pros and can offer free confidential advice.

Interesting Fact: A NZ Netsafe study showed that females were more likely to report unwanted digital communication than males – and non-heterosexual young adults were more likely to be targeted.

 

CHECK OUT THIS COOL APP!!

Zipit
Saying a straight up NO to someone when they ask you to send nudes can feel like you’re just flipping them the bird.

This app has a bunch of funny GIFS so you can have a more friendly response, whilst still making it clear that it’s a No.

Can I share someone else’s nudes/videos?

If you want to share or trade someone else’s nudes, here’s some things to consider before you press SEND:

  •  Consent  – Be 100% sure the person has said okay (given their full consent) before you share.
  •  Once you’ve hit SEND, you can’t unsend it  – If the person in the pic hasn’t given consent, it can be super damaging for them. And you. Word can get out, people can be hurt, a lot of damage can be done, and people can talk smack . They can also contact whoever they want – your family, your teachers or the police to try and get it removed.
  •  Regret  – Even if the person consents at the time, they also might regret it later. Nudes are super personal and its really common for people to change their mind or regret sending nudes. So, if you want to play it safe, don’t share.
  • Age Alert  – Sharing nudes with anyone under 16; if you’re 16 or over; or if the person in the pic is under 16 is illegal under the harmful digital communications act. If you’ve already done this, contact Netsafe for help.

“I think that there is a high pressure to post revealing pictures – just to fit in or to show our bodies in order to get likes or get friends or boyfriends”
Anon youth, TLP Survey 2020

What if I’ve already shared someone’s nude without their consent?

If you have shared a nude of someone without their consent, here’s some steps you can take:

  • Delete the nude immediately.
  • Contact the people/platforms you’ve shared it with and ask them to delete it.
  • Contact Netsafe if you can’t take it down yourself for confidential information and support.
  • Talk to a trusted friend or adult to support you.
Can I get my nude removed from a site?    

Most sites have great policies around someone posting images without your consent.

For e.g. Twitter, Instagram and YouTube have procedures in place and will generally remove a pic/video if it’s found to be ‘abuse’ or ‘sensitive imagery’ which violates their policies. Screenshot where you’ve seen it and save the URLs.

Here’s some links to reporting sections:

How do I safely send a nude/video?

If you’re sure you want to send a nude, you’ve considered all the points in thinking about sending nudes and you trust the person you’re sending it to (now and later), then there’s a few things you can do to lower the risks…

  • Firstly, keep your face out of the pic. This way, if it ends up being shared, other people may not know it’s you.
  • Make sure there’s nothing in the image that identifies you like your room, your house, your clothing or a mirror in the background (duh).
  • Tell the person you send it to that you don’t want (consent to) it being shared with anyone or posted anywhere. This might still happen, but it’s good to be clear.

More questions about Nudes? Check out: Icon or Netsafe

What’s “revenge porn”?

“Revenge porn” is a term used when someone shares a nude or video without the person’s consent or is using it against them, to control them, to bully them, as blackmail or as a threat. People with a physical disability and LGBTIQ+ young people are more likely to experience revenge porn, which is not okay(8).

If this sounds like what you’re experiencing, talk to a trusted friend immediately and call the Pros at Netsafe and they can help support you and talk though options. For LGBTIQ+ friendly services reach out to Rainbow YOUTH and OUTline.

“If nude images do get leaked, who can we go to? Parents are often very disappointed – even though it was most likely pressured.” —Anon youth, TLP Survey 2020

LISTEN

SCHOOLING UP ON NUDES:
ISSUES, QUESTIONS AND CONCERNS

Tech Tikanga

This funny clip by Te Rau Ora rangatahi team reminds us to think before we hit SEND – would you send it to your ……..?

Listen To Your Selfie

A guy’s asked for nudes online by someone he’s never met before and is reminded of the importance of thinking twice before hitting send.

It Happened To Me

A high school student shares her experience of sending nudes.

It’s pretty common for young people to feel pressure to watch porn. Recent NZ studies showed that 1 in 5 of the youth who’d seen porn in the past six months had felt pressured (at some point) to look at it (i) and some young people who don’t watch porn can feel like they don’t fit in. (ii)

TALK/TEXT

1737

If you’re feeling anxious, down or overwhelmed, 1737 offers a free confidential call or text line with trained counsellors 24/7.

Text: 1737
www.1737.org.nz

Safe to Talk

If you’ve been affected by sexual harm or are worried about your own behaviour, Safe to Talk provide great 24/7 confidential non-judgmental support and advice with trained counsellors.

Anonymous online chat 24/7.
Freephone: 0800 044 334
Text: 4334
Website/online chat: www.safetotalk.co.nz
Email: [email protected]

What’s up?

Whatsup helps young people with heaps of issues like dating, sex, porn, bullying or anxiety. Confidential online chat: 3 -10pm. Freephone counsellors 12-11pm weekdays and 3-11pm on weekends.

Freephone: 0800WHATSUP
www.whatsup.co.nz

YOUTHLINE

24/7 free service designed just for youth. You can call or text to talk about big or small stuff.

Anonymous online chat 7-10pm.
Freephone: 0800 376 633
Text: 234
www.youthline.co.nz

NETSAFE

Netsafe is a free confidential 24/7 online safety helpline that offers support, legal info and advice on online issues.

Freephone: 
0508 NETSAFE

Text: 4284
8am-8pm weekdays
9am-5pm weekends.

Online report: Reporting Harmful Content

Website: netsafe.org.nz

Aunty Dee

Awesome wellbeing tool that helps you work through any type of problem by guiding you through a series of questions that help you come up with ideas, solutions and connections to the right support.

www.auntydee.co.nz

Experts tell us that simply talking through our uncomfortable experiences and putting our feelings into words, it can help process what’s happened and can even change our emotional reactions to it. Wow.